I Probably Hate You

Its been a bullshit month or so. New stuff coming up in the next week.

As this entry is being written, there are protests being staged across the country by the unemployed and poor citizens of America. These people claim there cause is to restore democracy to America, and there blight is caused by the action of the government. They have even created a website to share their stories with the rest of the world. Lets see what some of these folks have to say:

“I was told that getting a degree, ANY degree, would be my ticket to the American Dream.”

- Are you fucking kidding me? Who is that someone? If that same person told you to suck a dick until a dude started ejaculating diamonds, would you do it? And any degree? How many P.E. teachers do you know that are living the dream? Would you still want to get a P.E. degree?

“I work 80+ hours a week just to try to keep up with the workload handed to me in fear of a layoff.  I am a top performer (at the expense of my family and my health), but haven’t seen a raise in 5 years.  My company posts record profits every quarter. My company just cut my pay 20% and increased my health insurance costs 20%, all while doubling my responsibility”

- Let me get this straight. Your employer keeps giving you more work, and never pays you more. This has happened for the last five years. If I was in your employers position, I would see this as a great opportunity to give you even more work. Why hire someone else or promote you if you are willing to be a spineless bitch and do everything without question? Grow some balls and get a different job.

“I currently have a language degree as well as the $28,000 student loan debt and $4,700 credit card debt that came along with it in order to make it happen.”

- What the fuck were you planning on doing with a language degree? I hear Starbucks is always looking for baristas.

“-I am 26 years old and I make less than $40,000 in an area were the median income is $107,207. “

- Move.

“I graduated with a Nuclear Medicine Technology Degree.  Hospitals want ‘experience’ so I can’t get hired – tell me how else to get ‘experience!?’  The only thing I have to show is a $40,000 Student Loan bill.”

- And you didn’t think about this while going to school? That is the whole point of intern programs. Why the fuck would I want someone with no damn experience responsible for the lives of many?

“I have 3 brothers and no dad. I am too young to work. I can’t afford a driver’s permit. I can’t afford college. I can’t even afford food sometimes. “

- First, your mom is a whore. Second, you aren’t a part of the majority yet, so shut the fuck up. Third, most can’t afford college, but that is what student loans are for. Just don’t be stupid and pick a major like underwater basket weaving or philosophy. And lastly, if you really hate the position your cum dumpster of a mother put you in, report her ass to CPS and get yourself put up for adoption or foster care.

Notice something about all of these? Every single person is unwilling to accept even a modicum of responsibility. This is a movement of the have-nots getting jealous of all the awesomeness that other people possess. Instead of looking for alternatives to their shitty decisions, these people rather have someone else pay for their mistakes. The 99%-ers think that in order to be competitive in this economy, the government and corporations should provide financial assistance. The 99%-ers think that they became broke due to the government, and that they are the victims.

Lets take a look at a few of the 1%-ers and see where they came from:

Steve Jobs: Grew up in poverty. Dropped out after one semester of college. Estimated worth prior to his death: $7 billion.

Larry Ellison: Grow up in poverty. Dropped out of college. Estimated worth: ~$33 billion

Oprah Winfrey: Grew up in poverty. Attended a public university. Estimated worth: ~$3 billion.

I could keep going. But, notice something? These people carved out their own futures. They kept working until they made it. They didn’t sit around and bitch about how their problems were created by the rest of the country.

Speaking of this country, lets take a quick look at the beliefs of our forefathers. This country was founded to keep government out of our lives. This is the country where each citizen is responsible for their own destiny. That is the American Dream. To be able to call your own shots, and build whatever future you want to have. This does not guarantee that you will be able to light your cigarette with a wad of $100 bills, it just means that there are no laws that will prevent you from attempting to be successful. This country wasn’t built to wipe your ass, or to take care of you when you are sick. It was built so that each person could make their own decisions. This is the land of equal opportunity, not equal outcome.

You can protest all you want, but the government owes you nothing. Deal with it. Instead of sitting on a sidewalk holding up a shitty protest sign, try getting a job or going to school. Think about something you can do better than everyone else. Or don’t. I don’t give a shit. If that doesn’t work, feel free to leave. There are plenty of socialist countries out there that will take care of your education, medical, and social security. Enjoy your 60% tax rate.

I wish I had the money to buy a plane ticket to fly to New York so I could bitch slap every protester sitting around Wall Street. But, I can’t. I don’t have the money for that. Starting later today, I will start working towards that plan. I will start putting together a fund to get me a round-trip ticket to NYC to laugh at the misery of the pathetic. See what I did there? I didn’t blame anyone else for my financial situation. I’ll fix it myself.

So, whats the lesson to be learned? You are responsible for your own decisions. And, there are always choices. If things don’t go your way, try something different, but do not expect a fucking handout.

I fucking hate the 99%.

It is the goal of all (straight) men to find a nice warm wet spot to park their penis. I’ve devoted numerous years of my life acting like I actually gave two fucks about women in order to lighten my testicular load. Sure, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Sure, I wasn’t planning to date these women. All I wanted to do was put my penis somewhere strange, and get the hell out. And sometimes I had to play the part of the somewhat interested male in order to make the women believe I would stick around. But my act would end soon after I simultaneously defiled a woman’s self-esteem and various orifices. There is only so far I can take a lie. Now I see men that can take that one night stand further than ever imagined: Marriage.

Every damn day I see couples that should have went their separate ways after some wealthy fake-tanned man-bitch bought some leather-skinned slut eight too many kamikazes. Instead of leaving cab fare and a dear Jane letter, these assholes pursued the relationship, and ended up getting hitched. How the fuck did this happen? What the fuck is this marriage based on?

Beauty and bragging rights.

Sure, I’m attracted to women with tits that cost more than my car, and a butthole tighter than a four year old, but there is only so far I’m willing to go to leave my DNA inside some bitch. The last thing I’m going to do is spend more money than needed for a evening at the Y, nor spend money augmenting the tool I used to blow a load. These retarded guys are grown up versions of the little high school fags thinking they are going to be in the next Fast and the Furious. Start with something better and you won’t need to buy so many bolt-ons. The indicator of a man’s success should not be how he can modify his wife, nor what kind of arm candy he can stroll around with.

Which brings me to the results of these actions: The trophy wife. The soulless vapid cunts seen midday, walking around local malls in yoga pants (even though they haven’t taken a day of yoga in their lives). No education, no common sense, no manners, and most importantly: No credit limit. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to turn a fucking dog into a fashion accessory? It’s a fucking animal. You have two choices: Either eat it, or raise it. Or maybe they are carrying it around to get it used to its post-humous duty: Being a fucking purse. But, its not dead yet, and it sure as shit isn’t leather yet (unlike the always Brazilian waxed baseball mitt of a vagina these bitches have). Why the fuck did you marry a barely functional retard? Do you realize that the same bitch that has trouble reading Dr. Suess now practically owns half of your assets? Have you ever had pussy that is worth half a fucking house?

Congraulations man, you married a whore. Well, maybe it didn’t start that way, but if you give her an allowance and get to bang her cakes whenever you feel like it, you’re hitched to a whore. Spit and astroglide make great lube. If the only thing that gets her in the mood is your black AmEx card, she’s a fucking whore. Lets step away from the details for a second. You give her money. You fuck her. Yup, that’s prostitution.

 
And lastly, If you are one of these women who married some guy for money: Good for you. I’m happy that you were able to get through life with no marketable skills except for spreading your legs. But, you’re a worthless cunt. Fuck you.

I came to an interesting realization this evening. The original concept of this site was for me to be an asshole in writing, and provide insulting observations to the masses. From my interactions and observations, I assume most people have an extra chromosome, fetal alcohol syndrome, or some other medical reason for being downright retarded. With my lack of internal filter, razor sharp wit, and my asshole motor turned to 11 (as well as a BAC well above .15), this leads to my amazing public rants about retards being, well, retarded. Those close to me bellow in laughter, and those targeted by the rant are ready to kill me (Or eat paste, retards are hard to read). But, a blog is a whole different medium. I’ve had time to take in and process the train wrecks that think they are functional members of society, and the explosive emotion inside of me has began to wane.

What should be cynical yet witty diatribes with regards to the decline of morality and common sense are becoming fleshed out anecdotes that actually have some kind of virtuous essence. Instead of fueling my anger, this feels like it will become a therapeutic outlet for my thoughts. I can still promise that there will be amazing (in the Jerry Springer sense of amazing) stories, but will also include a synthesis of the incident in my pithy and cynical (or realistic, as I call it) style.

So what was the realization? I am building this site to be the best of my ability. I know its not going to be “The Next Big Thing” nor the next internet phenomenon. My artistic skills are on par with a four year old with MS, and the site will unfortunately reflect that. But, as time goes on, the site will improve. I will improve. I need to keep making progress. Can you see where I’m going with this? This should be a metaphor for life. It sure it for mine. Most people that piss me off don’t live like this. They are content where they are. They are placated by the mundane. Why work towards a goal when you can take the first thing handed to you? I fucking hate these people. Fuck them.

This site will be amazing. I’ll bet my middle nut that, over time, the content will leave you in awe. But, it takes time. Iprobablyhateyou.com is an organic being that will grow and change. But, this growth will come quick. Even from the time the domain name was registered to the time the first semblance of a website appeared, things have changed. And, things will continue to change.

With all that being said, I think it would be appropriate that my next post is about a group of people that don’t learn or change. A group of people that can only see things at their face value and have no idea how to comprehend anything beyond appearance. People that are quietly destroying our future without a damn care besides themselves and their over-amped hell spawn. Fuck you trophy wives (and soccer moms. The only difference is income level), you self-centered, soul sucking cunts.

Stay tuned….

Here is the first post. After years of thinking about it, I have finally decided to take the time to document my observations of the decline of public decency. I have grown increasingly sickened with the actions of the general populous as well as the self-serving attitudes of the masses.

I am not writing this blog to hide my thoughts through an anonymous electronic screen. Those that know me have been around when I have had to point out a stranger’s ridiculous actions in a public setting. Yes, I have made a few enemies in the process. Yes, I have made people cry in public. And yes, it does make me feel better about myself, even though I am not doing it to make up for some deficiency you may feel I possess.

And so, the genesis has begun. Iprobablyhateyou.com will be a parking lot for my thoughts, which may take the form of long winded blog entries, random pictures I have taken of the embodiment of stupid, or even materials created by others that I feel is appropriate for this site. Right now, you are coming to this site because I probably asked you to check it out, but eventually, this will transform into a fully functional (and more aesthetically pleasing) web masterpiece.